Idle Chatter
The back-of-the-rag humor column for Chatter magazine.Get Thee Behind Me, Steadman
If there’s one thing I’ve discovered from observing my children these past few years, it’s that they really hate being stared at. It freaks them out. They bury themselves behind the sofa cushions to avoid the piercing gaze of my Newman-esque* eyes....
Go Deepish
Christians are called to be like Christ. Not in a robe-and-sandals way (although it’s hard to beat the cooling circulation of a properly girded robe), but in the do-as-I-say-and-as-I-do way. Like serving others, having a ready defense of the truth and standing...
Injection-Molded Spirituality
The highways and byways of heaven. Paved with gold so unblemished it makes Dove soap look like 99 and 44/100ths percent pure chum. Lined with mansions – not of the Mc variety, but built pearl brick upon pearl brick by Otis the Masonic Archangel and his winged...
Groundhog Sausages
Those who gauge the ebbing and flowing of philosophical musings posit that existential thinking reached its zenith in 1986. During those Jelly Belly-fueled halcyon days of pinch-rolled jeans and mall hair, a young philosopher in a beret and sweater vest opined:...
Phoning It In – A History of IBC’s Ironic Parking Lot Feature
Note: Irving Bible Church, for whom the column was originally written, has an odd, contemporary steel sculpture of unknown provenance (it was there when they bought the property) in the middle of its parking lot. Once a year, someone attempts to explain its existence....
Interview with a Dead Guy – Good King Wenceslas: A Duke of a Saint
Christmas is coming, and while the goose is off getting fat, Chatter met up with Yuletide carol-mainstay Wenceslas to dig deeper into the man, the myth and the mystery that is the Good King from Bohemia. Chatter: King Wenceslas, thank you for taking a few moments out...
Crazy Eddie’s Stereos ’n’ Salvation
There comes a time in every Christian’s life when they decide to start their own church. That time is often 7:18 a.m. Sunday morning after two rounds of snooze bar-induced fever dreams. Usually, these plans fade by 7:20 when the risen snoozer realizes they can’t...
Joseph and the Annoying Technicolor Muumuu
The Bible is riddled with all manner of saintly individuals. You can barely turn an edge-gilded page without bumping into a Peter, Paul or Mary. The good kind. Or even a Meshach, Obadiah or Elijah if you’re chewing your way through the OT. At first blush –...
Thy Will Be Well Done
If there’s one thing Christians love to do, it’s dance. No, wait. Sorry. That’s Brazilians. If there’s one thing Christians (even those of the muy, muy caliente variety) love to do, it’s invoke the will of God. As in, “it was just the Lord’s will.” Get a cold and miss...
Bed Jumpin’ Monkey Nuts
George Bernard Shaw once opined that “youth is wasted on the young.” (He also once mused that “youth should remove themselves henceforth from my peonies,” but that’s not quite as poetic.) Jason Daniel Fox currently opines that...