Idle Chatter
The back-of-the-rag humor column for Chatter magazine.The Shillelagh of Unctuousness
The Bible. It is God’s Word writ large. And, depending on your volume of choice, writ heavy, too. Sixty-six books written by 40 men (all bearded) under the direction of the Holy Spirit over the course of roughly 1,600 years. Nearly 800,000 words and zero pictures if...
The Saucy McRib of Love
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the romantical bands which have connected him with a lady and to assume among the powerful espressos of the megachurch food court, the separate and single station to which the Laws of...
The Far Side of the Apocalypse
If you’re like me, you no doubt have severe issues with your coiffure when the humidity levels hit anything beyond “arid.” You also, also Gwen Stefanilessly, root your eschatological ethics in the good-time hieroglyphs of everyone’s favorite...
Over the Bridge and Through the Hymnal
As I write this in mid-October (yes, even Chatter has a longish lead time), it is not yet the most wonderful time of the year[1]. The goose is still in bathing suit shape, running 5K’s and assuming it has plenty of time to get fat[2]. And while my daughter needs...
Dear Dexter
In lieu of our typical, often weighty Idle Chatter pontifications, this month’s IC features a guest stint by Dexter P. Turklesworth. Mr. Turklesworth, an expert in all things turkey, shall endeavor to answer questions both common and otherwise about...
Runnin’ With the Angels
Halloween means many things to many people. To some, it is a chance to publicly consume candy corn with 90-percent less ridicule. To others, the pseudo-holiday offers the opportunity to fill up their bags and buckets with all manner of off-brand confections. (Milky...
@MoHeston
In October 2009, this column broke the archeological story of the day (or at least the morning) when it revealed evidence of a Twitter-like social network that existed in the time of Noah, aka @GopherWoodBoy. While that original network went under, literally, in the...
Public School Proselytizing
Hey, hey, kids! Do you know what time it is? Back-to-school time! Woo-hoo! That’s right, it’s time to head to the mall and literally gear up for another fun-filled year of reviewing what you learned last year along with a few new bits to help you pass...
Beach Bible Bingo
I’ll admit up front that I’ve never been much for “the summer beach read” – a practice that involves selecting something from the Nicholas Sparks section of the syrup aisle, plopping one’s mankini’d bod in a lounge chair and...
Fear the Mayansquitos
According to famed ethnographer and one-legged ski champion John “Lane Myer” Cusack, the world will end on either December 30 or 31, 2012, or January 1, 2013, depending on which side of the International Date Line you’re straddling. JLMC, however,...