by Jason Fox | Oct 1, 2019 | Bio |
Celebrates 70 years of Chinese communism by preemptively stealing the 2020 Iowa caucus from Bernie Sanders.
by Jason Fox | Sep 23, 2019 | Bio |
After daring to use a plastic straw, ensures it does not end up in the ocean by burning it in a tire fire.
by Jason Fox | Sep 13, 2019 | Bio |
Days before entering late-fortieshood, drowns in a pile of his kids’ “Warrior Cats” books when his dog refuses to save him for philosophical reasons.
by Jason Fox | Sep 11, 2019 | Bio |
Purchases rights to water on 110-light-years-away exoplanet K2-18b and pre-signs Jennifer Aniston’s 1,659th great-grandaughter as spokesdrone.
by Jason Fox | Sep 9, 2019 | Bio |
After scientists in Britain uncover the first evindence of lactose bigotry dating back 6,000 years, discovers expiration date on eBay-sourced, knock-off Lactaid is “fourth moon after the Moloch fire-eating festival.”
by Jason Fox | Aug 21, 2019 | Bio |
Finally smells what The Rock is cooking and asks Alexa to purchase 1.8 million cases of Febreze.
