Will someone close to the Hanes marketing department or their ad agency please tell them to stop making spots like these? Seriously. The products have merit (those wedgie-free panties really work, by gum), but the spots do their best to drive me into the arms of Fruit of the Loom.

The Cuba Gooding, Jr. spot – which has been airing ad nauseam for months – is just creepy. We’re supposed to believe His Airness, Michael Jordan, includes underwear in his welcome baskets? Creepy. Or that Cuba puts on new drawers before washing them? Ew. Ew. Ew. The only saving grace to this ad is the woman on the Rascal scooter.

Take a look:



This next spot, a newer one starring Scrubs’ Sarah Chalke as the victim of wedgification, is actually worse. The extras overact while underachieving. And poor Sarah does the most degrading dance since the Star Wars kid. And can someone tell me how she goes from facing the camera in one cut to facing the other direction in the next? Also, the director violates the Rule of 180 Degrees in a severely egregious fashion. Fortunately for him or her, the error is easily overlooked in the rest of this train wreck.



To prove I’m not just an underwear ad hater, here are a couple of good ads from the Fruit boys. One classic, one recent:





Later,

Fox