Christians are called to be like Christ. Not in a robe-and-sandals way (although it’s hard to beat the cooling circulation of a properly girded robe), but in the do-as-I-say-and-as-I-do way. Like serving others, having a ready defense of the truth and standing against sin without stomping on the sinners. Unless they’re pharaoh or Pharisees, in which case stomp away. Many believers, however, suffer from the problem of being Christ-lite instead of Christ-like. Too often, Christians never advance beyond the “fat baby” stage Amy Grant sang about back when such a song was shocking for its use of 4/4 time and a backbeat, and its utter lack of harpsichord. The apostle Paul admonished the Corinthians for such stunted growth in 1 Corinthians 3:2: “I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.”
Yes, instead of feasting on a juicy Manwich of Melchizadek or satisfying Apologetics Parmigiana, folks are content to spend Sunday mornings (and little else) suckling from the teat of Mr. Goodtime Happy Hour Praise the Lord I Bought a Condo in Boca Preacher Man. Which is just as creepy and ultimately unrewarding as it sounds.
How then does one pick up one’s cross and follow the Lord? Is there some sort of mystical-yet-practical guidebook to, you know, guide us down the straight and narrow? Something available on Amazon and eligible for free shipping with the purchase of $25 or more? Yes. It’s called the Holy Bible. But since I can’t cut-and-paste the 727,969 words from the NIV translation, I’ll provide my own paraphrased edition. Although it probably doesn’t qualify for 1 Timothy 3:16 status. Unless the Holy Spirit is inhabiting my Coke Zero.
Thou shalt engage like Captain Picard chasing a Romulan Bird of Prey – If your idea of going to church begins with finding a seat away from a sneezer (good luck) and ends with a silent wave to the parking attendant as you roll the family Titanica XXL towards Outback Steakhouse, you are, indeed, only going to church. But you’re not attending. You’re not active. And no one is fooled by your iPad’s Bible app that mysteriously flashes a little green piggy from time to time. The point of not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together is not merely to sit there and spiritually carbo-load for the big rat race ahead (or literally carbo-load on Krispy Kremes if you’re in the Sunsetters class). Church is as much about God receiving worship from you as it is you receiving a kick in the pants from the Holy Spirit. So sing. Say an “amen” or two during the sermon. Meet someone new or new to you. Maybe get crazy and volunteer in the nursery or a Sunday school class. But be active in your attendance. The more you give, the more you shall receive. And that is not a reference to the offering plate.
Thou shalt disengage like a clutch from a ’73 Pinto station wagon – We are called to be in the world not of the world, and that call did not get lost in your voicemail. Press 3. See, it’s right there under your doctor’s message about that thing in that place you don’t want to talk about. So maybe layoff the “Californication” marathon on HBO this weekend. What? That show is on Showtime, you say? I did not know that. See how that works?
Thou shalt putteth down the “In Touch” – I understand how the state of Brad Pitt’s B.O. affects the worldwide financial markets, but perhaps filling your mind with more substantial fare than J. Lo’s Top Ten Body Glitter Secrets would serve you better. I’m not saying dive straight into Leviticus or even the crazy, mixed up world of Obadiah. Try the “Screwtape Letters” or a Frank Peretti novel. Entertainment need not be vacuous. Yes, this column is the exception that proves the rule.
Thou shalt employ the buddy system – The poem “Footprints” describes in lovingly simplistic fashion how Christ is always with you. But while that’s true in a very true sense of truth, it’s also a fact that you can’t call up the Lord to see if he wants to go to Apple Store to check out the new iPads. Nor can one man up, cowboy up or perform any other lesser-known upping enough to make it through life as well alone as with friends. Real friends. Not the ones from work that stick you with the lunch tab at Souper Salad, but the ones that are there for you even after finding out you really, really, really like Souper Salad. God doesn’t give bonus points for being a Marlboro Man, even in a figurative sense. Although Marlboro Man figurines do fetch a nice price these days on eBay.
Thou shalt blabbeth from the mountain tops and/or Facebook – If you attended Sunday school as a child – or had a public school music teacher who didn’t get the memo – chances are you sang “This little light of mine/I’m gonna let it shine” until your little light flickered out from a lack of oxygen in the classroom. As adults, how often do we let that light shine as opposed to hiding it under a bushel of excuses? Don’t want to offend the neighbors lest they let their dog Poopsie do her namesake on the lawn. Might have to refrain from gossiping about how the boss’s wife was once married to David Duchovny’s nanny. Or even un-“like” Hooters. Hey, if you want to force yourself to walk the walk, it’s a great idea to talk the talk. Eventually, you might actually come to be seen as a blessing to those around you instead of being hailed as Major Mumblecore, Leader of the Snark Patrol. Not that I’m privy to such backbiting. And who knows, someone might actually come to know the Lord because of you.
I should now admit that most of the above advice was stolen from the likes of Assisi, Luther and Ziglar. Because you see, like Hollywood stars, I’m just like you. Which is in need of work. So please, focus on mimicking Christ and not mocking my failures. Or your spouse’s. And the world will be a better place for it. Especially once everyone reverts to business robe attire.