The Obligatory Super Hole XIX

I am here, for the people, in spite of my hometown Chiefs stinking up the delta and many, many points beyond. Granted, it’s a lot less painful given their recent past, and my life doesn’t really change regardless of the outcome. Sorry, DraftKings.

Now, on with the Hole.

If you’re new here, welcome. Here are my guidelines: I only review in-game (no pre- or post-game) spots that aired nationally. I also ignore spots for TV shows, movies, and the NFL. I also attempt to separate the spots from how I may currently feel about the brands for which they’re shilling. Real consumers don’t, but I haven’t been a real consumer since 1994.

In case you didn’t notice, this year had an even higher celebrity quotient than last year, which was already stuffed with people I vaguely recognized. There was also a cornucopia of comedic spots, which is always welcome. I’ll take a swing-and-a-miss of a comedy spot over an earnest-if-well-produced pile of preachy treacle any day.

The problem, if you can call it that, of having so many stabs at celebrity-based humor in one place is that it was hard for any single spot to truly stand out. There were just a lot of pretty good funny spots. Which, I suppose, is a good problem to have. Some were stronger than others, often based upon the foundational concepts and/or the writing, but almost all had at least one good line or bit or subtle addition that elevated them in the otherwise jaundiced eyes of yours truly. Or maybe my blood sugar was just low.

So with the quality of the comedic spots – the ones I chuckled at, at least, as a few clunkers did assault my delicate pupils – tending to be within a few percentage points of each other (don’t ask to see my spreadsheet because it doesn’t exist), what am I do? Split hairs and rank them anyway? For a piece of content 14 people read and no one pays me for? Nay.

That’s right, nay.

Instead, I’m going to post all the spots I liked, including a couple of non-humorous commercials, and give a quick take that is already quite lukewarm. Whatever. This is the only place you can these ads in 4K, so show some gratitude.

Fine, if I must pick a favorite, I’m going with the Glen Powell-starring spot for Ram Trucks.

But enough of my whingeing. Spots are listed in alphabetical order by brand. Now on with The Hole:

—

Bookings.com, “Muppets – Get Your Stay Ridiculously Right” – This spot wasn’t doing a lot for me until Statler and Waldorf showed up to ask, “What if we hate everything?” Which made me not hate everything. Then Alanis Morissette slid into my DMs to tell me to knock it off. Also, Gonzo is always great.

—

Bud Light, “Big Men on Cul-de-Sac” – Solid, well-paced, and fairly understated (yes, even with Bud-launching leaf blowers that I guarantee were inspired by some creative’s misspent youth making potato guns – look it up) for the brand that once bestowed a flatulent horse upon the unsuspecting Super Bowl audience. Highlights include “No, my smoker cuts grass,” Peyton Manning in jorts and a front fanny pack, and, of course, Huey Lewis and the News scoring the whole affair. I’ll never drink Bud Light in a million years, but advertising can only do much. Hear that, clients? Only so much.

—

DoorDash DashPass, “Math” – Considering Nate Bargatze (who stars in this spot for those who still have dial-up) met his wife while they both worked at Applebee’s, I’m surprised the Kingdom of Flair didn’t snag the man for themselves. But I digress. This spot plays into Nate’s self-created persona of not being smarter than a fifth grader, and does so decently well. It’s not as funny as Nate’s standup, but I did really dig the subtle touch of his clones having enlarged eyes. Subtle creepy is the best creepy. Although my lawyer would disagree.

—

Doritos, “Abduction for the Bold” – The winner of Doritos reborn “Crash the Super Bowl” soiree, this spot made me smile for five seconds (00:12 – 00:17) when our protagonist gets Hulk-smashed by a tractor beam and counters with a muttered “c’mon, man!”

—

GoDaddy, “Act Like You Know” – “Walton Goggins Goggle Glasses” and the painfully possible “Strap in. Look out.” headline on the website. That is all. Wait, it is not all. The site, www.gogginsgoggles.com, is real and boasts some decent copy.

—

Google Pixel, “Dream Job” – A fantastic spot for a creepy feature. Goes hard for the girl dad nerve. (I’d be a mess if my daughter was a senior. Remind me not to watch this next year.) Just a very well-written piece that knows how to build a story without telegraphing the whole story.

—

Jeep, “Owner’s Manual” – My mom really liked this one. I could’ve used stronger copy. And Chewie.

—

Lay’s, “The Little Farmer” – Not quite on par with Ram’s “God Made a Farmer” spot from a few Bowls ago, but I’m not sure you could manage to craft a cuter way of showcasing tater chips. Makes me want to tear open a bag and clog my arteries with joy. And cholesterol.

—

Little Caesar’s, “Whoa” – Little Caesar’s isn’t quite the stellar brand it was during the days when Cliff Freeman & Partners did their advertising (“I taught my dog to say I love you.” “Row ruv roo!”), but this spot starring Eugene Levy’s sentient eyebrows recalls that CF&P vibe. Marginally better than the other facial hair-based spot this year (Pringles). Highlight is the caterpillars’ worshipful “We’re not worthy.” Does the spot make me want to subject my gut to the vagaries of LCs? Not quite. But the thought of doing is now 3.4% less repulsive. So, progress.

—

Michelob Ultra, “The Ultra Hustle” – I’ve said it before and I’ll say here again: I don’t understand Ultra’s (not ULTRA’s – just stop it) long-time strategy of positioning beer, however lite (sorry, light), as a post-workout beverage. Nothing says “recovery” like a substance that dehydrates you. But this is probably the best execution against that strategy that I’ve seen. Or can at least remember. Mainly because of Willem Dafoe. Yes, Catherine O’Hara is great as always, but it’s hard to compete with the of intensity of Mr. Dafoe when he’s not just in on the joke but into selling the joke. “Fascinating” has never sounded so humorously menacing.

—

Mountain Dew Baja Blast, “Kiss From a Lime” – Weird is always a risk. From the folks who boldly – if unwisely in my opinion – rolled the dice on “Puppy Monkey Baby” for Super Bowl 50, comes this surreal piece that continues the brand’s Mountain Dude-based campaign. First, did I know who Becky G was? No. Did it matter for the commercial to work? Again, no, which is smart. Of course, you do need to know who Seal is for this spot to more than just a giant what-the-frijoles moment, but all the Gen Xers can fill in the gaps for the youths at the SB party. Anyway. For me, this was weird done right. The parody lyrics are great, and Taika Waititi’s direction here makes up for 83% of “Thor: Love and Thunder.”

—

Pfizer, “Knock Out Cancer” – Full disclosure: As suspicious as I am of Big Pharma, I need them in my life for reasons I won’t delve into here. So while I’m tempted to cast a long side-eye at any spot from a Big P entity, this one works exceptionally well regardless. Wise choice to use LL Cool J and not “Gonna Fly Now” (especially since the latter is associated with Philadelphia). Not a groundbreaking concept, but leagues better than the usual ads one sees for cancer treatment. What a weird sentence to type. Anyway, a well-produced piece of emotional manipulation.

—

Pringles, “Call of the Mustaches” – Excellent use of the old “Batman” TV show theme and Mr. Potato Head. Could’ve used more Ron Swanson. Yes, the character, not the actor.

—

Ram Trucks, “Goldilocks and the Three Trucks” – Ram’s classic “God Made a Farmer” spot, featuring a much older piece by the legendary Paul Harvey, aired in 2013. I would’ve guessed 2019. Jeepers, kids, time really does fly. This spot is a full 180-degree, Ross Gellar pivot from that ode to soil toil (apologies). And I dig it. Since he’s a legitimately good actor, Glen Powell makes for the perfect Golden Boy (yes, like Seinfeld’s t-shirt) in this bedtime story gone mildly awry. What I really like is the writing. As you watch the spot, the style of language and sentence construction tips you off to the fact that that Uncle Glen is vamping his own version on the fly. It’s not 100% smooth as if he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. Also, cutting back to the action after the scene with his nieces was a great touch. Not because a stinger, as they’re called, is rare, but because of what they do with it. Screaming baby bear FTW.

—

Reese’s, “Don’t Eat Lava” – “Get in my mouth, lava!” That is all.

—

Ritz, “Salty Club” – Good play on the celebrities’ perceived personalities. Wish they could’ve gotten Gene Hackman (so what if he’s 95?), but I’ll take Michael Shannon’s threatening non-smile as a worthy substitute.

—

Stella Artois, “The Other David” – An the whole, this spot hovers around B- territory. (Not sure why they hired Jesse Plemons to play an old Matt Damon.) But the brief exchange Beckham has with his folks at the beginning is an A+.

Dad: You have a twin brother we never told you about.

Mom: I’m sorry.

David: So, what’s his name?

Dad: Other David.

David: You called him “Other David.”

Dad: If there’s two Davids, one has to be “Other David.”

Genius.

—

Uber Eats, “A Century of Cravings” – I know some people don’t particularly care for Matthew McConaughey. These people are not to be trusted. I believe Matty Mac (again, apologies) may be the only person extant who could sell this truly odd concept of football being a conspiracy to sell food. I actually prefer the non-Super Bowl ads in this campaign as this one goes a bit too hard on the cameos. Did we need Martha Stewart to make another SB ad appearance? I expected a pan to Snoop Dogg right after her slot. Still, Greta hanging up on Kevin Bacon was nice, and I really liked McConaughey’s low-key Ditka and Shakira-esque Peyton Manning.